BJ Week

It never fails that the week I am the horniest is the week that I have my period.  It is always the week that my secret agent man wants to see me the most.  I don't want to go over there to just hold hands, I want to get it on!

Welp, he is sooo not having it.  I can barely get him to have anal when i am on my period.

I am so into making sure that he is pleased, and has a stress free week, I decided to go over and give him as many blow jobs as possible.  Happy ending...

I call this week BJ Week.  It is his favorite week of the month he says. He look forward to a week of blow jobs.  I must say, I do too.

I get down on my knees, and unzip his pants, and pull that big hard dick out.  (I am getting horny thinking about it).  I put the tip of his dick on my tongue and lightly suck, slowly moving down the shaft.  I suck that dick and balls until I get a creamy, sweet explosion in my mouth.  Mmmmm Yummy.

I can't wait for BJ week...

Working on a commitment or being commited....

I seriously cannot believe this shit!! I have gone 27 days without sex. I mean NONE, ZIP, ZERO sex (that includes masturbation)

What a flippin tragedy right??!!

I have sex on the brain.  All I can think about is riding that Monster Cock of G-Man's. 

Since I am so horny, it got me to thinking about being committed and being faithful in a relationship.  How do you know that the person you are with is the one?  He or she is that one person, that could make you desire them above no other. 

I am not even sure how I got so caught up.  What is it about him that makes me want him, smile at the thought of him, and be soo crazy in love with him.  He doesn't make these grand gestures of his feelings, everything is so subtle, but at the same time its a big deal.

As I have said before I stalk my friends on FB.  And a lot of the ladies talk about the men in their life, the lack of men in their lives, whatever the case may be.  And it always revolves around commitment, and what their assumption or perception of commitment is. 

Is commitment doing couples night every weekend, only hanging out with your loved one, wearing your rings all the time, or the big shit making sure everyone on Facebook knows that you are in a relationship or married to so and so?

I see a lot of my female friends (females in general) that want these grand gestures of someones commitment to them. When will they get it? Men are so completely different from us, and show their feelings differently from us.  Just because they don't yell it at the top of their lungs, tell all their boys about you, post that shit on Facebook.  Does not mean they love or care any less. 

I know yawl will hate me for this.  But ladies, sometimes we need to do a better job at what we are and should be doing in a relationship.  Holding out on sex, not giving blow jobs just because, cooking less, or any of that other crazy shit, doesn't get you what you want.  Especially that commitment that you are dying to have.

Men respond to two things SEX and LOYALTY.

We need to show we are ride or die for him, be that support system he needs that only we as ladies can be for him. 

There are other ways of showing your commitment to someone other than making a public spectacle or yourself.  Big hoopla usually makes a person look like they are crazy and insecure and probably need to either be on medication or committed. 

I don't actually think I knew what commitment was, or being in a healthy relationship until I met my secret agent man.  As strange as it may be, because we hardly ever see each other, and have more email, text, and skype sex than anything else.  I would not have it any other way.  It may not be perfect to 99% of the ladies out there, but I have never had anyone as awesome as him and would not trade it for anything.

I guess a person needs to find that person, that makes every little imperfection about their relationship, seem like it is the most perfect....

Sexually Frustrated.....

I don't think I have thought about writing in my blog for weeks. And wow, this is my 3rd one in a week. Probably cause I need to get fucked.

I am so fuckin' frustrated!! SEXUALLY! I need to cum.

I wake up with a wet pussy, go to bed with a wet pussy.  Can secret agent man hurry up and get home and beat the pussy up!

There are several surveys out that state men think about sex about every 7 seconds, and another that states that 54% of men think about sex a few times a day.  What about us women.  Well a survey states that women hardly ever think about sex during the day. Hmmphh, really? What women are they polling. 

I think about sex all the time.  I think about how I want to ride G-Man's dick til he explodes inside of me, or about having his beautiful big cock in my mouth.  Oh and how I want him to bend me over the kitchen table and fuck me so I squirt all over his dick.

See now I am thinking about him being inside of me, and I am sure in less than 7 seconds I will be thinking about how I want him inside of me. 

And my thoughts of sexual pleasure do not interrupt my busy, productive Human Resource day. I just sit at my desk and my nipples get hard and my pussy pulsates uncontrollably waiting for my man to be inside me again. 

I can't wait for him to get home so I can get rid of my frustrations.

Email sex.....

My secret agent man is still away on business.  So the other day, I decided to initiate some sexy talk via email.  Fresh out the shower, I laid on the bed, spread and clicked away on my camera phone.

I sent him some pictures of what belongs to him.  With a little note telling him his pussy misses him. (Don't worry, this is normal practice)

He sent me an email back telling me how it looked delicious and wanted to have me for breakfast.

Mmmmm. He had me started.

I closed my eyes, and could feel him sliding his big hands around my thighs, and his lips gently kissing my clit, before he devoured me, and made me squirt everywhere.

I got off without even touching myself.

WOW!

I bring this up, cause I have friends that can not even talk dirty to their dude.  They think it makes them feel like a prostitute. What? Really?

I love it, and my G-Man LOVES it.  Especially when he is out of town.  Dirty talk is like foreplay.  I think for us the anticipation makes the sex between us so intense, and amazing.  We look forward to each other, and enjoying each others conversation.

Ha! Conversation! Yeah, the dirty kind.

That's one reason why I do not want anyone else inside of me, they cannot fuck me the way he does.  I would be so disappointed by anyone who was not him.

Email sex..........    Is it good for a relationship?

I totally think so.  It brings a little excitement into the bedroom.  Even though with us, we haven't actually had a dull moment.  I can get him rock hard, just by sending him an email that I want to taste his sweet cum on my tongue.

I have 3 more days before he gets home, and I think I am about to send him a picture, or something dirty telling him how much I want him inside me.


I love email sex....
.

The simple things....

Somedays I think the long separation between G-Man and I takes a serious toll on me sometimes.  I know he told me up front, that he would hardly ever be around, and I agreed to this foolishness, but damn. He travels so much for work, I understand why he hasn't had a serious relationship before me.

 I just want one weekend, not even a whole weekend, but a entire day and night, when it is just me and him.  No kids, no work, no conference calls. Just us

Is that too much to ask for?

I was feeling lonely the other day, wanting just to be touched.  Some adult conversation. I actually sent a text to someone and told them I wanted to come by and sit on his face.  WOW, right??!! And if he would have answered me quickly and was like heck yeah, I soo would have gone over and let it go down.  Thank goodness he didn't respond right away.

The few minutes of silence between my text and his, gave way to a different perspective.  Sound judgement and major guilt kicked in.

Guilt! Yeah, just from sending the text.  I can't even imagine what would have happened if I actually allowed myself to go over there and let him eat my pussy.  My conscious, would have probably gotten the best of me.

Is sending a flirtatious text cheating?  I am very liberal, but if I would have found any type of correspondence between my secret agent man and a woman, I would go the fuck off! So why should it be any different for me.

I doubt seriously that G-Man would actually act on any advances by a chick, he is so disciplined.  Me on the other hand had to work at being this disciplined.  I cannot imagine being with anyone else.  The thought of someone else sticking their dick in me turns my stomach.

Even the hot little lesbian fantasies I used to have make me want to hurl chunks. Blah!!

Don't get me wrong,  my babe and I flirt like crazy while he is gone.  Lots of pictures and dirty emails about how I want him deep inside me and things like that.  But nothing compares to when he is here, and I can feel him. His finger tips gliding across my shoulder, his lips sweetly kissing mine, or his breath against my neck while he is sleep next to me.

Ahh, the simple things that many of us forget about in a relationship, are so important to me.

I cannot wait for him to get back, and I get that text "Daddy's home"!



 

Sharing is not caring.....

I went to get my hair done today.  And while in the salon today, I was privilege to one of the most amazing, and ridiculous stories I have probably ever heard.

I am sitting in the chair and in walks this very pretty woman with a cast on her foot. I am so freakin  nosey I asked her what happened to her, and why is she wearing a sparkly skirt and heels in the valley.

Broken foot girl proceeds to tell me this amazing story of how she went out with her "boyfriend" who happens to be married, to a bar to watch the last Lakers game.  They are sitting in a booth in the back of the bar, when he excuses himself.  He's gone, 5, 10, 15 minutes, then she goes outside to call him.  What it breaks down to is he left her at the bar with no ride home.  Some how she gets him back to the bar, but he wouldn't let her in the car, so she she decides to chase after him in platform heels, and falls and breaks her foot.  Instead of her being pissed at this dude for leaving her ass at a bar, she is still with  married guy, giving his ass head and whatever else he wants with her broke foot.

Oh and the best part about this story is she said she is going to try and get pregnant.

So I asked her, "is the dick THAT good?".  YES, she answers.

Really?

I had to ask her how old she was.  38! For someone who should know by now, she has the mentality of an 18 year old.

I know there are women that only deal with men that are married.  But wow, who really likes to share dick, cause I know I don't.

I find it so interesting, that to be happy so many people will opt to share a persons affections, emotions, and everything else to be happy.  What is so great about that?  Isn't that just settling?

Dating a married man is so pointless. There are so many restrictions to a relationship like that. Too much secrecy for me. You don't really get anything out of it, except maybe a few great pieces of jewelry and some hot sex.

It is pure laziness that a person does not put the effort in, to finding someone for themselves.  Is it too much work?  Heck yeah, its work.  But a real relationship is work, compromise and trust.

I know there are many fears to the human heart.  Some don't want the commitment, which I understand, but there are plenty of single me to have noncommittal sex with.

Is it the possibility of a broken heart that makes women go after married men?  Or wanting someone who doesn't belong to them?

Is so interesting that women will risk it all, possible relationship exposure, their friends,  their dignity, their self respect for a relationship with someone that doesn't even belong to them.

This type of sharing is soooo not caring.....

It's Complicated...

G-Man is still gone.....

As I await the return of my G-Man, I tend to occupy my time with several things homework, kids, eating, basic general everyday things.  But my favorite thing is to stalk people on Facebook.  I love to watch their lives unfold via social networking.  

What amazes me the most about the people I stalk, is the fact that they make no secret about their yearnings to be in a relationship or to be married.  I am sure you can guess, most of these people are women.  

I don't know what to say, most days I shake my head in disbelief.  Some days I see messages like "I am a strong woman, I don't need a man" and in the next update "Why can't I find someone for me?" "Why can't I have my white dress?". 

As I lay in my bed, I patiently wait for the updates to start.  It's like clock-work.  "I can't wait to see my baby", "Having a wonderful time with my man", "Ahhhhh".  To the "I am done" ,"Moving on", "Can't sleep, too much on my mind".  

All while changing their status' from single, to in a relationship, to its complicated, back to single, then back to It's complicated".  What is that?

Now I am totally guilty of the "lovey-dovey updates" especially in french.  "J'aime mon homme (I love my man)", "Je suis tellement en amour (I am so in love)", and blah blah blah".  Especially after a good dicking from G-Man.

But my updates don't hold a candle to the people I stalk on Facebook.  

These people go from one gear shift of  love  to hating this person, being heart broken, venting of their anger, to posting pictures that they shouldn't in less than a week.

If relationships can take a person to the extremes I see on FB, is really worth it? Should we look at it as a disposable relationship and move on?

I know, we as humans, are not made up to be alone, we are always searching for that wholeness, that person that will "complete" us.  It's a built in need.  

Love has a tremendous hold over us, even if we choose not to acknowledge it.  We are always on this relentless search for Mr or Mrs right, and they turn out to be Mr or Mrs right now.   

Before we jump into our next Facebook infused relationship failure rants, before we settle down with someone, it is important that we actually know us first. If a relationship is complicated maybe we are too complicated to begin with to be in a relationship.

We want to believe what we see on t.v. and in the movies, that we will ride off into the sunset with the person of our dreams.  Love doesn't really happen that way.  It happens in its own time, unforced by anyone.



But is it really that complicated......

An order of TRUST SUPER-SIZED...

G-Man is traveling again for work...

The first thing I did this morning since I have yet to do laundry, is smell the t-shirt I had on when I spent the night at his house.  It smelled just like him.  As I sit here thinking of him, all I can think about is how he smells, and the way he makes me laugh.  Who would have thought that this serious suit and tie guy was so hilarious.  Man I miss the friendship and love he and I have for each other.  

When G-Man travels, I worry and I can't sleep.  

So I was up last night and I was on messenger with a friend of mine, Papi.  His wife Freckles travels for work and is gone ALL the flippin time.  So I asked him about how he deals, as well as when she is gone what is the first thing he misses about her.  He said he misses the sex, the companionship, and the talking.  

I would have to agree with my friend....

I wondered, how does he deal with being alone all the time. Cause some days I have no idea how to deal.  I feel tested sometimes.  

I confessed to Papi that I had been struggling with insecurities about my relationship with G-Man this past week.  G-Man has been so preoccupied with work, preparing for his biz trip, and other things this past week that I felt a little ignored.  I know if he was some regular guy, with a regular job, I would probably feel a bit smothered with all the time me and my regular guy spent together.  But I am not dealing with regular here.  And this is not your ordinary love relationship.  But I was driving myself crazy.  And I wasn't sure why. 

Did I not trust G-Man? Of course I do! I was back to psycho analyzing every little thing, and forgetting to look at the big picture.  This man that I am in a relationship with, makes time for me at least once a week, he returns every single email I send to him, he calls me just to hear my voice even though he knows how much I hate to talk on the phone.  He thinks of me.  I know the things I mentioned may seem very small to many, a non-factor, and an excuse to defend him, but these are big steps for a guy who once wrote to me in the getting to know phase that he is not big on communicating and romance.  He is all about ROMANCE.

What Papi made me realize from our IM session is that every couples relationship is different. We communicate differently, we show our feeling differently.  There is not a manual for relationships and love that anyone can follow.  All the trust that G-Man has for me, I have to also have for him.  There are ups and downs it will not be smooth sailing all the time.  I needed to STOP.  Just stop over thinking, stop wanting the easy.   

I needed to stop ordering the side of psycho analyzing.

What I needed was an order of TRUST SUPER-SIZED.....

Cliff Jumping....

I have been thinking a lot lately about relationships.  We make connections to others, some good, and some not so good. But all of these relationships have some kind of effect on us.  I am not too sure why I am reflecting on relationships so much, except for the fact that I am reflecting on my own relationship with G-Man.

Why is it that we as women psycho analyze every single thing about our relationship. Every word, every look, every touch that happens or doesn't happen.  We want to believe that we will live happily ever after with this person.  When we fall in love are we supposed to analyze it, or just FALL, fall head over heels for that person.

I swear, some days I think about this fairy tale that I am living out, and think, am I crazy.  Why did I give up everything, quit my job for him.  Is he really worth it.

See, we met at a mixer, where I feel in love with him at first sight. He took my breath away, I was gone. Went to lunch the next day, and 6 weeks later I was off to Africa to visit him for 3 weeks while he was on assignment.  Only after trying to figure out how to go on vacation for 3 weeks at a new job.  Oh, yeah, you don't.  So I quit.  And No he isn't African.

Now I am in this relationship, with a guy that is amazing.  I love him more than I actually thought was possible for me to do.  And now I have all these insecure thoughts.  Not the thoughts that you get when you are fuckin around on that person(cause I'm not, he is everything I ever wanted), but the doubt that can build up, about picking the right mate.  We always have glorious thoughts about what our future will hold, and secretly await for the other shoe to drop.  

Seems like falling in love is so much harder when we keep our heart guarded.  I tried to find a way to love him and guard my heart at the same time.  But for some reason it doesn't work that way.  The more I love him, the easier the fence and chains that were around my heart seem to fall.  I used to wonder how it would feel to actually and truly be in love, and how would I know.  And always would get "you will know, when it happens".  Really? Is that how it works?

I never thought this would happen to me.  That first glance meant everything, more than I realized at the time.  But wow! My closed heart, opened.  I didn't realize it at the time that my heart had it's own agenda, and I needed to hop on this roller-coaster, or I was going to miss out on something great.  Even if in the end it doesn't work out, at least I could say it was the best time of my life.

Love is crazy, love is amazing, and you will never know unless you open up and experience it. Life's too short.


You gotta jump off the cliff, otherwise you will never know.....

I am so CHICKEN SHIT

I am soo chicken shit!!

I can't even tell my boyfriend (G-Man, he is my Mr. Big) that I love him.  I had the perfect opportunity to tell him last night.  It was just after I gave him a fantastic blow job.  We were sitting in the kitchen, and we were just staring at each other.   I am sure it was only seconds, but it felt like eternity.  Just looking each other in the eyes. I had butterflies, my palms were all sweaty, and I could feel it forming on my tongue. I felt a smile come to my lips. Then he says "What?" Uggh.  Perfect opportunity.

  I have been in love with this man since the day I met him.  And believe me, I am not one of those foo foo chicks that actually believes in love at first sight.  But G has had my heart since day one.  It should be so easy to say.  I mean seriously! I have this man's name tattooed on my body for goodness sake! He knows that I love him, but shouldn't I say it?

Why is so hard to say I love you? I always wonder do other women have this issue.  Is it because I think so much like a man when it comes to dating rituals?  But thinking and dating like a man does that mean not having feelings, emotions that we should not express.

I could tell former boyfriends I loved them in a heart beat, but I didn't really love them.  This man, makes me want to do flips, cartwheels, and scream on top of Mt. Rushmore "I love you G-MAN".  Hell I post how much I love him on Facebook all the freakin time!! But I can't say it to his face.

Do we, take these chances with our heart only to be disappointed over and over again, and when the real thing comes along not know what to do?

Pheromones

Pheromones. What is it? Why does it affect us the way they do?  

The reason I ask is, I miss the way my boyfriend smells. 

So I ask...

What is it about the way men smell.  They smell sooo damn good! (Well 85% of the men I come into contact with).  The smell of their skin, mixed with cologne,  or the combo of soap and a little bit of sweat.  Man! I love it.  

My boyfriend has a scent that drives me crazy.  When he is away on business which is most of the time, the first thing I miss about him, is the way he smells.  The scent of his skin, mixed with a bit of cologne and sweat, drives me up a wall.  I tend to sleep in his shirts the first few days, because the longing for him is so instant.  I feel like I am on an island and crawling towards him, but never actually reach him.  (I know CRAZY-TOWN)

There is a Korean BBQ place my friends and I like to go to, and our usual waiter smells so delightful.  I am surrounded by meat, and sauces, and all I can smell is him.  I just want to drip sauce on him and lick off.  (ooops, my thoughts are drifting and drooling)

It's because of the pheromones. Of course most of us know about pheromones and what they can do to us.  How they affect us either negatively or positively. 

If not heres the definition:

A pheromone is a secreted or excreted chemical factor that triggers a social response in members of the same species. Pheromones are chemicals capable of acting outside the body of the secreting individual to impact the behavior of the receiving individual.

How does the smell of your loved one affect you?  

The bathroom used to be my sanctuary....

I used to come home from work, and I would be met at the door by my kids, one 14 and the other 3.  Either they were fighting, or they had some other issues like they wanted to be fed or something.  Whatever it was they were usually screaming at the top of their lungs, and working my nerves.  My brain just wasn't functioning and could not function.  After 8 hours of work, 35 minute drive on the freeway to go less than 6 miles.  I needed to unwind, and have no thoughts at all.  For a while I would come home and just sit on the edge of my bed in total silence.  That didn't last long.....

I found going into the bathroom, with my laptop, and locking the door behind me to be a more effective get away, a mini vacation.  Not like I needed to go into the bathroom and take a shit, but my brain needed to take a shit.  I would go in the bathroom, put the toilet seat down, and just sit there with my laptop and play silly Facebook games.  The peace and quiet was heavenly, to say the least.

I started taking other stuff in the bathroom with me, my phone, the mail.  My daily bathroom stay-cations became longer events.  It was my own little home office in the bathroom.  If I didn't actually have to feed my kids, I probably could stay in there for hours.

My kids, at least the 3 year old would stand at the door and just knock and knock and knock.  I could tune her out for hours on end.  Until she learned how to jimmy the lock.

When did 3 year olds become locksmiths?

Needless to say, the bathroom used to be my sanctuary.

....It's Only Tuesday

Fuck!!! It's only Tuesday....

I don't want to rant about the week going so flippin slow but, I just want the week to be over.

I am sitting here semi watching CSI Miami.  Which is probably the one of the worse written shows on earth.  How is it, that the regular CSI is sooo good, and this one is really crappy.  Oh well, I still watch it.

So, I got laid off the other day. Not too too sad about the situation, since my boss assumed she was "Shit" or that her "Shit don't Stank".  Unfortunately for her, it did! I could go into details, but I believe you all have had a boss before or have one now that claims to be such a wonderful, open communicator, and turns out to be passive aggressive and bi-polar.  What a combo!!

Most of my days at work were spent daydreaming of fun fantastic things I could be doing rather than being at work.  But on occasion, I would have the best daydreams about getting up and slapping the shit out of my boss.  Oh how I wish I had the opportunity to do it the day I was laid off, but unfortunately she went and hid in her office, and let other people handle the lay offs.  

I don't think the unemployment cloud has hit me yet, so I haven't gone through the "grieving period" of unemployment.  So far I am just like whatever.  But soon, the excitement of being rid of such a horrible situation, then slowly the sadness of being unemployed and I will sit in my room and weep of being jobless, and then the anger of not finding a job fast enough (WHY ME I will scream, haha).  Til I get to the pure bliss of enjoying everyone and everything I couldn't enjoy being locked away in my office for 8 hours a day.


I guess I have a brain fart going on, cause I just lost my train of thought......

til next time

My love for the F word

This is such a cliched and overused statement, but I have been thinking of writing a blog for the longest time, but never knew what to write about.  I never wanted to write about the same thing everyday, so blah, and boring.  And what about a title for my blog.  I never could think of anything smart, and witty that would catch your eyes.  And who knows,  no one may ever read my blog, but I think the title sums it up.  I was sitting on my bed watching the Princess and the Frog for the umtenth time, and said to myself FUCK.  Not really knowing why I said it, but said it anyway.  I started thinking about how much I use the F word, and how much it is used in every day conversation.  Is the F word more accepted?

I will tell you one thing......


I fuckin' like the F word.


Now that I got that off my chest, what am I supposed to write about for my inaugural blog-fest, blog-a-paluza, whatever else anyone wants to call it.

I am challenging myself to actually write a blog,   I hope I am as entertaining, witty, and interesting, as I think I am.

uuuuhhhhhh......

I guess I can tell you the deal with the F word.  I guess for me the F word is so much more than just the F word.  I use it to describe any and everything.  From the fuckin thingy that is always at the bottom of my purse and you can never find it when you are out somewhere til you dump your entire purse,  to the more explicit things I want to do.  (haha) It is one of the best word inventions around.

I guess i wont write too much more, I have to channel my inner blogger or have a more exciting weekend....