Cliff Jumping....

I have been thinking a lot lately about relationships.  We make connections to others, some good, and some not so good. But all of these relationships have some kind of effect on us.  I am not too sure why I am reflecting on relationships so much, except for the fact that I am reflecting on my own relationship with G-Man.

Why is it that we as women psycho analyze every single thing about our relationship. Every word, every look, every touch that happens or doesn't happen.  We want to believe that we will live happily ever after with this person.  When we fall in love are we supposed to analyze it, or just FALL, fall head over heels for that person.

I swear, some days I think about this fairy tale that I am living out, and think, am I crazy.  Why did I give up everything, quit my job for him.  Is he really worth it.

See, we met at a mixer, where I feel in love with him at first sight. He took my breath away, I was gone. Went to lunch the next day, and 6 weeks later I was off to Africa to visit him for 3 weeks while he was on assignment.  Only after trying to figure out how to go on vacation for 3 weeks at a new job.  Oh, yeah, you don't.  So I quit.  And No he isn't African.

Now I am in this relationship, with a guy that is amazing.  I love him more than I actually thought was possible for me to do.  And now I have all these insecure thoughts.  Not the thoughts that you get when you are fuckin around on that person(cause I'm not, he is everything I ever wanted), but the doubt that can build up, about picking the right mate.  We always have glorious thoughts about what our future will hold, and secretly await for the other shoe to drop.  

Seems like falling in love is so much harder when we keep our heart guarded.  I tried to find a way to love him and guard my heart at the same time.  But for some reason it doesn't work that way.  The more I love him, the easier the fence and chains that were around my heart seem to fall.  I used to wonder how it would feel to actually and truly be in love, and how would I know.  And always would get "you will know, when it happens".  Really? Is that how it works?

I never thought this would happen to me.  That first glance meant everything, more than I realized at the time.  But wow! My closed heart, opened.  I didn't realize it at the time that my heart had it's own agenda, and I needed to hop on this roller-coaster, or I was going to miss out on something great.  Even if in the end it doesn't work out, at least I could say it was the best time of my life.

Love is crazy, love is amazing, and you will never know unless you open up and experience it. Life's too short.


You gotta jump off the cliff, otherwise you will never know.....