Broken...

How can a relationship be fixed? How can his betrayal, his huge fukin' mistake be righted? The love of my life blew it it! He really fucked this shit up. 

He CHEATED! Not just cheated, but cheated on me with a fat hood rat bitch. Got the bitch pregnant. The smartest man I know, did the dumbest thing in the world.

What I think is even more crazy is that I took him back. I loved him so much that I was okay with his mistake. I loved him more than his major fuck up. You ask me why would I? How could I? What is so amazing about him? He made me want to be a better me. I strived to be so much better than I was. What I do not understand is what in his DNA makeup made him turn into someone that did not want to be loved, not want the person that loved him more than life. Even after he asked me to stay. It has confused me, kept me up nights, stopped me from eating for over a year.

  He has pushed me away. Made me out to be the bady guy. I wasn't the one that had beer goggles on and fucked the bitch in the first place. I supported, comforted, empathized and every other nice amazing thing a woman in my situation would have NEVER FUKIN done! NEVER!

 He didn't deserve me.

But that did not matter because I love him. It sucks because he didn't even attempt to fix it. His words and actions were doing opposite things.

I love him.

But I am broken....

Shits n Giggles...

I always seem to elaborate on how amazing my G-Man is, and how much I love him. Lately though, he and I have been going through some tough shit the past few months.  I will just say the ultimate betrayal on his part.  And my fukin feelings are beyond hurt.

So where does it leave us now? Closer than I think we have ever been.

I don't really know why it happened or do I think he can give me a good enough answer on why either?

What is so crazy is that I never questioned how I felt.  The only thing I knew is that I fukin LOVED his ass more than anything.  I wanted to be with him.

 Nothing was logical about my decision.

So what I now question, is how do you know when love is enough.  Is love enough to keep people together even after one has betrayed the other.

I consider myself to be a smart girl until I fell in love with this man.

Is love ever logical.  Is there a happy medium between love and logic to where decisions that are made are right for someone's mind, body, and soul. I sometimes question myself, did I make the right decision. Did I suffer through this rough time, just to say I can't handle this after a few months.

I am not sure of the future.  But I am sure that our love story is not close to be over.  I plan on enjoying every day he and I have together.

Relationships can't always be shits and giggles, but it sure is a fun adventure.....

Black Hole of BLISS....

Growing up I was told there is a perfect man out there for me, my prince, my knight and shinning armor. Really? Is there?

As a little girl I totally thought my prince was out there.  My teens, I still believed it, but tweeked my perception just a bit.  I figured I had to date a few frogs before I found my prince. My adult years, I completely gave up.  I figured I would just date until I found someone I could stand.

Wow, am I really that hard to get along with.  No one, I could stand.

I give up!

I gave up.

Then one day I found my perfect man, or should I say he found me.  He is tall, he is handsome, he was sweet, and his ass had a job!!

Here I am in this love fog. I am so caught up I don't even recognize myself anymore.  This dude makes me smile, he gives me butterflies, and fucks me like no other. Woo, how can shit be so awesome for me, right?

Thing is, he does all this and I don't ever see him. He travels constantly, and he is a workaholic. How the hell did I fall in love with a guy that is never here.  He forgets anniversary's, he forgets birthdays, but when I least expect it he does something that may seem insignificant but it is a fuckin big ass deal to me.

I never thought my prince would be this amazing guy, who is a workaholic, never home, and oh a horrible communicator.

Since our relationship has imperfections, does that mean I should give up this love to search for perfection.  Who made up this crazy rule, story that relationships have to be this perfect little shit where everything is alway going the right way.  If it is always perfect I am on edge waiting on the other shoe to drop.  Which usually means crazy heart break.

I never thought I would desire the imperfections, it is kind of like a black hole of BLISS.....

BJ Week

It never fails that the week I am the horniest is the week that I have my period.  It is always the week that my secret agent man wants to see me the most.  I don't want to go over there to just hold hands, I want to get it on!

Welp, he is sooo not having it.  I can barely get him to have anal when i am on my period.

I am so into making sure that he is pleased, and has a stress free week, I decided to go over and give him as many blow jobs as possible.  Happy ending...

I call this week BJ Week.  It is his favorite week of the month he says. He look forward to a week of blow jobs.  I must say, I do too.

I get down on my knees, and unzip his pants, and pull that big hard dick out.  (I am getting horny thinking about it).  I put the tip of his dick on my tongue and lightly suck, slowly moving down the shaft.  I suck that dick and balls until I get a creamy, sweet explosion in my mouth.  Mmmmm Yummy.

I can't wait for BJ week...

Working on a commitment or being commited....

I seriously cannot believe this shit!! I have gone 27 days without sex. I mean NONE, ZIP, ZERO sex (that includes masturbation)

What a flippin tragedy right??!!

I have sex on the brain.  All I can think about is riding that Monster Cock of G-Man's. 

Since I am so horny, it got me to thinking about being committed and being faithful in a relationship.  How do you know that the person you are with is the one?  He or she is that one person, that could make you desire them above no other. 

I am not even sure how I got so caught up.  What is it about him that makes me want him, smile at the thought of him, and be soo crazy in love with him.  He doesn't make these grand gestures of his feelings, everything is so subtle, but at the same time its a big deal.

As I have said before I stalk my friends on FB.  And a lot of the ladies talk about the men in their life, the lack of men in their lives, whatever the case may be.  And it always revolves around commitment, and what their assumption or perception of commitment is. 

Is commitment doing couples night every weekend, only hanging out with your loved one, wearing your rings all the time, or the big shit making sure everyone on Facebook knows that you are in a relationship or married to so and so?

I see a lot of my female friends (females in general) that want these grand gestures of someones commitment to them. When will they get it? Men are so completely different from us, and show their feelings differently from us.  Just because they don't yell it at the top of their lungs, tell all their boys about you, post that shit on Facebook.  Does not mean they love or care any less. 

I know yawl will hate me for this.  But ladies, sometimes we need to do a better job at what we are and should be doing in a relationship.  Holding out on sex, not giving blow jobs just because, cooking less, or any of that other crazy shit, doesn't get you what you want.  Especially that commitment that you are dying to have.

Men respond to two things SEX and LOYALTY.

We need to show we are ride or die for him, be that support system he needs that only we as ladies can be for him. 

There are other ways of showing your commitment to someone other than making a public spectacle or yourself.  Big hoopla usually makes a person look like they are crazy and insecure and probably need to either be on medication or committed. 

I don't actually think I knew what commitment was, or being in a healthy relationship until I met my secret agent man.  As strange as it may be, because we hardly ever see each other, and have more email, text, and skype sex than anything else.  I would not have it any other way.  It may not be perfect to 99% of the ladies out there, but I have never had anyone as awesome as him and would not trade it for anything.

I guess a person needs to find that person, that makes every little imperfection about their relationship, seem like it is the most perfect....

Sexually Frustrated.....

I don't think I have thought about writing in my blog for weeks. And wow, this is my 3rd one in a week. Probably cause I need to get fucked.

I am so fuckin' frustrated!! SEXUALLY! I need to cum.

I wake up with a wet pussy, go to bed with a wet pussy.  Can secret agent man hurry up and get home and beat the pussy up!

There are several surveys out that state men think about sex about every 7 seconds, and another that states that 54% of men think about sex a few times a day.  What about us women.  Well a survey states that women hardly ever think about sex during the day. Hmmphh, really? What women are they polling. 

I think about sex all the time.  I think about how I want to ride G-Man's dick til he explodes inside of me, or about having his beautiful big cock in my mouth.  Oh and how I want him to bend me over the kitchen table and fuck me so I squirt all over his dick.

See now I am thinking about him being inside of me, and I am sure in less than 7 seconds I will be thinking about how I want him inside of me. 

And my thoughts of sexual pleasure do not interrupt my busy, productive Human Resource day. I just sit at my desk and my nipples get hard and my pussy pulsates uncontrollably waiting for my man to be inside me again. 

I can't wait for him to get home so I can get rid of my frustrations.

Email sex.....

My secret agent man is still away on business.  So the other day, I decided to initiate some sexy talk via email.  Fresh out the shower, I laid on the bed, spread and clicked away on my camera phone.

I sent him some pictures of what belongs to him.  With a little note telling him his pussy misses him. (Don't worry, this is normal practice)

He sent me an email back telling me how it looked delicious and wanted to have me for breakfast.

Mmmmm. He had me started.

I closed my eyes, and could feel him sliding his big hands around my thighs, and his lips gently kissing my clit, before he devoured me, and made me squirt everywhere.

I got off without even touching myself.

WOW!

I bring this up, cause I have friends that can not even talk dirty to their dude.  They think it makes them feel like a prostitute. What? Really?

I love it, and my G-Man LOVES it.  Especially when he is out of town.  Dirty talk is like foreplay.  I think for us the anticipation makes the sex between us so intense, and amazing.  We look forward to each other, and enjoying each others conversation.

Ha! Conversation! Yeah, the dirty kind.

That's one reason why I do not want anyone else inside of me, they cannot fuck me the way he does.  I would be so disappointed by anyone who was not him.

Email sex..........    Is it good for a relationship?

I totally think so.  It brings a little excitement into the bedroom.  Even though with us, we haven't actually had a dull moment.  I can get him rock hard, just by sending him an email that I want to taste his sweet cum on my tongue.

I have 3 more days before he gets home, and I think I am about to send him a picture, or something dirty telling him how much I want him inside me.


I love email sex....
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